WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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