dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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