i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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