just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just had sex on a roof
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize