okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
