Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
