when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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