can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
