where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
