i just wanna soil my oats bro
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
