I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
