Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
