Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
