From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
