i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
