So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
