I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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