Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.