I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways