i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
