he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He had some BAD nuttage
It's like cleavage......... but different
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
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Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
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hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible