Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
My dad just said "fuck circus"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!