You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
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bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
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If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-