there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
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he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
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Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.