Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
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He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
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Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.