DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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