I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
