The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
