I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
