I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
