i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
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theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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