My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
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I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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