I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
