Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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