So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize