I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize