Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
