I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize