great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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