Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
