Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
