a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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