Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
this is an emotional support booty call
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
