i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
