All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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