So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize