dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
