I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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