Just fell off a train. Bad.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
