the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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