you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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