So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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