I'm drive I can fine osifer
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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