The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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