i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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