you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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