1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
