im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
