So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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