is your mom at the bar?
so that wasnt chicken after all
my being single is dangerous.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
