Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize