Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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