Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
