I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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