After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
