I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
